


Detectives of Catan

by ScienceGeeky



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Board Games, Catan, Detective Agency Friends, Fluff, Gen, It's Just Cute :), Settlers of Catan, giftfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-01 23:32:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17253446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScienceGeeky/pseuds/ScienceGeeky
Summary: Without a new case, the new detective agency is a little bored. Time for some boards!





	Detectives of Catan

**Author's Note:**

> A gift for an exchange I'm doing! Hope you like it.

“So, what do we do now?” Todd asks. 

“What?” Dirk replies absently. 

“We have the plaque. What now?” 

“Well, um.” Dirk makes that face he always makes when he doesn’t have an answer, avoiding eye contact. “Hm. That’s--that’s a great question, Todd! Brilliant assisting. And the answer is--well, what do you think the answer is?” 

“It’s Dirk Gently’s detective agency,” Farah points out. “You’re in charge.”

Dirk blanches, which is quite a feat for him. “You know, we’ve done a lot of work today.” 

“You have no idea,” Todd interrupts with a sigh. 

“Um, not exactly,” Dirk hedges, but he doesn’t get far. 

“You know what, I’m tired,” Todd says. “There’s gotta be something in these boxes for a game.” 

“We could go out and advertise,” Farah suggests. “And I think we should stake out the nearby town. Find out what the local law enforcement does. Check for federal agents.” 

“Or we could play…Settlers of Catan,” Todd says. “Or Trouble. Or Sorry. Jeez, why do we have a box full of old board games?”

“Well, um, I think I may have perhaps gone into another storage unit,” Dirk says. “But I only took two boxes.” 

“Maybe it’s a holistic thing,” Farah says. 

“Yes, that’s it exactly,” Dirk agrees, a bit too eagerly. “Come on, let’s play.” 

“Which one?” 

“Um, how about…Settlers of Catan? That sounds fun,” Dirk says. 

“Wait, you’ve never played?” Todd asks, trying not to laugh. 

“Well, no,” Dirk says, looking down. 

“Don’t worry,” Farah says with a little smile. “We’ll show you.” 

Todd hasn’t played Catan in…years, he’s pretty sure. He outgrew board games like this ages ago. But Farah apparently never forgets, because she manages to set up the board perfectly, and claims blue as her color. 

“Ooh, we get colors? I pick orange!” Dirk says, picking out all the little orange pieces. 

Todd remains quiet and grabs the red ones. 

With the first roll of the dice, it becomes eminently clear that Dirk has not only never played Catan, but he is unfamiliar with the concept of a board game. 

“Don’t tell me you didn’t have board games in Blackwing!” Todd says. 

“The pieces were choking hazards,” Dirk says, as if it’s obvious. “We played lots of card games. I always won at poker.” 

“Remind me never to bet against you,” Todd says as the three of them place their houses and roads along the board, gently pointing out to Dirk that the roads have to connect to houses. 

“Who’s oldest?” Farah asks. 

“Oh, oh! Can I go first?” Dirk asks eagerly. 

“How old are you?” Farah asks. “If this is your first board game we should do it by the book.” As if to prove her point, she holds up the rulebook. “See? Oldest goes first. Well, not if we play with the advanced rules, but we’re not.” 

“Let’s just let him go,” Todd says. 

“Yay!” Dirk says--squeals, almost. He grabs the dice, rolls them, and then says, “Ooh, an eight! What does eight mean? Does it mean something good? Or bad?” 

“It means you get wool,” Farah says, handing him a card. 

“A sheep!” Dirk says, delighted. “Hello there! Your name is…Quincy.” 

“You don’t have to name them, Dirk,” Farah says. “They’re a resource. That’s all.” 

“How dare you call my Quincy just a resource?!” Dirk asks in shock, clutching the card to his chest. Todd stifles a laugh behind his hand as he takes a card for wood. 

“You know,” Todd says as the game progresses, “You have an awful lot of wool, Dirk.” 

“They’re my herd,” Dirk says affectionately. 

“Could I trouble you for some of said wool?” Todd asks. 

“They’re my friends, Todd,” Dirk repeats, apparently insulted at the thought. He has entirely failed to notice, Todd realizes, that by sheer coincidence Dirk controls almost all the wool on the board. No one else can build a settlement as long as Dirk guards his herd. 

“Ooh, can I put more of these cute little houses on the board?” Dirk asks. “I can put my sheep in them! Like dog houses--except sheep houses!” 

“Sheep don’t need houses,” Farah says. “You could make one and put them all in it and call him a barn.” 

“But these houses are so small,” Dirk replies. 

Farah sighs, but she still can’t entirely hide a laugh. Dirk’s behavior is infectious. 

On his next turn, Dirk places the rest of his settlements on the board, and then says, “Oh no, I’m out of houses!” 

Farah and Todd share glances. Dirk is…closer to winning than either of them expected. 

“And I have to put down some roads now, I suppose,” he fusses. “To connect them. So the sheep can go see each other!” 

He does this, establishing a lengthy road from one end of his settlements to the other. 

“Hm, well, I suppose I can make a couple of the larger houses…” Dirk sighs, producing a collection of ore seemingly from nowhere. 

“Wait! Where’d you get that?” Todd asks, shocked. 

“You gave it to me for my sheep, remember?” Dirk asks, nonplussed. “Well, I’ve only got enough for two of the big cities…” 

“That’s ten!” Farah says, throwing up her hands. “I don’t know how you’ve done it, but you just won. I can’t believe it.” 

“I won?” Dirk asks, excited. “Oh, yay! Did you hear that, Quincy? We won!” 

Todd laughs aloud and stands up. “Alright, alright. I’m going to get us a few drinks. Be right back.” 

Dirk jumps up, throws his arms around Todd, and then hugs Farah as soon as she stands. For a moment, there is quiet, and Dirk says, “Thank you.” 

“For what?” Farah asks. 

“Letting me win.” 

“We did not let you win,” Todd says. “I absolutely didn’t see that coming.” 

“Me neither,” Farah agrees. 

Dirk’s eyes well up. “You’re the best assistants ever.” His voice is quiet and choked. 

Todd turns away abruptly, coughing. “I, um. I’ll be right back.” 

Farah smiles after him, and then up at Dirk. “Rematch?” she asks. 

“Oh, you’re on,” Dirk agrees.


End file.
